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Issue: Discover Hollywood Summer 2019

Why I Love Hollywood by Judy Tenuta

Judy Tenuta

You’ve seen Judy Tenuta appear in shows from “The Vagina Monologues” to “Menopause the Musical.” Her stand-up specials have aired on Showtime, HBO, and Lifetime. Judy was featured as the national spokesperson for a series of Diet Dr. Pepper commercials.

The self-described “Love Goddess” and “Aphrodite Of The Accordion” has made hundreds of guest and co-hosting appearances on such popular television shows as “The View,” “Late Night With David Letterman,” “Larry King Live,” “Entertainment Tonight,” and “Comics Unleashed.”

A two-time Grammy Award Nominee, Judy’s comedy albums include “Attention Butt-Pirates and Lesbetarians!” and “In Goddess We Trust.” She was the first female stand-up comic to win “Best Female Comedian” at the American Comedy Awards.

A woman on the move, we saw her at the recent Reel to Real opening at the Hollywood Museum, and she offered this take on the town she loves.

              

What do I love about Hollywood? Everything! I’ll never forget when I arrived here in 1987 to film my very first HBO special with 3 other Fab Femmes: Rita Rudner, Paula Poundstone & Ellen DeGeneres! I was greeted @ LAX by a very blonde, buxom limo driver in a pink thunderbird named Angelyne who is living proof that anyone can make it in Hollywood! And I mean that as a compliment!

Thats what I love about this town: everyone is either famous or thinks they are! Including my gardener... who just saw me naked.. .HELLO! What was he doing at Target?!

But seriously here in the land of dreams and movie magic, it’s such a gift to collaborate with fellow artists, that your work also becomes your play.

And for the full Show Biz experience you must wait in line for an hour to get an In-N-Out Burger then hit Hollywood Boulevard for the walk of stars and of course the Hollywood Museum which houses so many iconic exhibits like the Batmobile, Cher’s costumes And even my squeezebox! It has become my home away from home.

Now come closer to the Goddess, I will tell you a secret. If you want to make it in this town, you must learn to speak Hollywood. Here, No one ever says what they really mean, so I have devised the “Hollywood to English” Dictionary so you can navigate A conversation with the best of them. Here are some frequently used phrases:

“I have a 3 picture deal” means “I live in a shopping cart behind Starbucks!”

“I’ll have to call you back, I’m in a meeting” means “Im doing your wife on my desk!”

And finally, “I love your work!” Means “ i just saw your sex tape!”

Now you are fully equipped to live, work and play in the land that I love: Hollywood! It could Happen!